ARHHH?????Smoking helps you lose weight -- one lung at a time!"
"Today, if you ask a car dealer to let you see something for 10 grand, he'll show you the door!"
"Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!"
"Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!"
"Thank's to the new welfare bill, the question "Paper or plastic?" now refers to many American's sleeping arrangements!"
"In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!"
"Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!"
"If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!"
"A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!"
"The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!"
"Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"
"How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?"
"It takes one to know one -- and vice versa!"
"Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!"
"Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!"
"A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!"
"How come we choose from just two people for President, and fifty for Miss America?"
"Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!"
"You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!"
"Blood is thicker than water... but it makes lousy lemonade!"
"The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!"
"A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!"
Long ago, Al Jaffee came up with a new piece for MAD: Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions (known as SATSQ in some cultures). I haven't seen any for a while (but that doesn't mean there haven't been any... there could have been a new book fulla them and I'd probably miss it), so at this page, you can create your own and add them! Wowy zowy! To get you started, I've included a couple from a SATSQ book published waaaaay back in 1968.
like these;
Q: Did you catch that fish?
A: No, I talked him into giving himself up.
A: No, I was sitting here minding my own business when the crazy thing jumped into my pail.
A: No, it's a plastic model to get people like you to start fascinating conversations.
Q: (from a woman just pulled over by a police officer) Did I do something wrong, officer?
A: No, today we're giving tickets out for doing things right.
A: No, I just got tired of lugging around these heavy summonses so I decided to give some of them away.
A: No, I'm giving a ticket to this crazy street because it's going the wrong way.
Q: (from a waiter, to a husband and wife) Table for how many?
A: A hundred and twelve -- we like to change seats every few minutes.
A: One -- my wife will sit on my shoulders.
A: I don't know -- I can't count that high, either.
Q: (From lady to fellow bus-rider) Isn't my baby beautiful?
A: That's a baby?
A: Yes, in a Jabba-The-Hutt sort of way.
A: ..................................................................
Well,
ugh....
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